The Great Gatsbyor not
by GatsbyGirl69
Summary: So this was done out of boredom. I tried to be funny and it's basically a messed up version of the book. DO NOT READ IF YOU LIKE THE REAL BOOK, YOU WILL BE OFFENDED.
1. Chapter 1

Ch. 1 The Green Light

Nick was walking back from his car after his daily streaking with Myrtle when suddenly he hears a noise. Startled, he looks up at the Gatsby mansion. Jay Gatsby is standing on the roof butt naked. One hand is stretched out towards the green light, the other is massaging little Jay. Little does Gatsby know, the light is actually a UFO landing light. But anyways, that has nothing to do with the rest of the story.

Nick turns to go back inside but instead sees Jordan Baker approaching him. He tries to ignore her foolish sex drive, but her hand ends up on little Nick and he can't help it. Immediately, the two of them have sex on the ground. Suddenly, a swarm of cats erupts out of nowhere, meowing and purring. "Oh no!" cried Nick. "This always happens when I get it on with Myrtle! The cats must be a symbol of sexual activity!"

"Myrtle," replied Jordan. "Mmm, she's hot. Let's have a threesome! More cushion for the pushin!"

At this instant, the cats start to run away.

"Make that a foursome!" Gatsby said, descending down from his roof by flying. (Gatsby has magical powers.) Jordan and Nick look at each other and run into Nick's house, afraid of Gatsby.

"That was close!" Jordan said as she tried to catch her breath.

Nick looked to her and then at his unzipped pants.

"Jordan, I must tell you something." By this time, Gatsby was pole dancing on Nick's porch with one of the posts, still naked. "I'm…" Jordan looked at Nick with anticipation as Little Nick grew in length and width. Then, he whipped off his clothes displaying a super-shiny gold and silver spandex outfit. "BISEXUAL!"

"Oh no!" Exclaimed Jordan. "Not bisexual!"

With that, Nick ran onto the porch and him and Gatsby had hot and passionate sex through a hole that Nick had cut in the butt of his spandex.

Ch. 2


	2. Chapter 2

Ch. 2

Nick sat on his porch and admired the great white mansion across the yard. It was Gatsby's mansion, and Nick liked Gatsby. He hadn't liked him until the sex, though. As Nick sat back and watched, he noticed many small children, ranging from ages four to thirteen, parading and skipping towards the front door with Gatsby. Gatsby always had children over, except on Sundays. Sundays were for rest and eating salad. The group faded into the house so that Nick couldn't see them anymore.

Suddenly, a tiny man in a sombraro approached Nick's porch. Nick was startled. He stood up to shake the man's hand, but the man with the dark mustache shook his head. He then pulled a multicolored cape over his shoulders and a tiny chiuauah pranced out of the bushes and danced around his feet, barking.

"I yi yi yi!" The man exclaimed. Nick was taken aback, especially when three other tiny men looking just like the first one ran out of the bushes. Two of them had morracas and the other had a tiny mexican guitar thingy. They all started to sing and dance.

"El muchacho! You are invited to la fiesta de Gatsby! I yi yi yi!"

When they finished, they ran off without saying anything. Even the dog was barkless.

Nick sat back down, trying to figure out why Gatsby had invited him over. The parties that Gatsby had were full of clowns and amusement park games like pin the tail on the donkey and dunk tanks. Sometimes he even saw magicians and elephants. Nick was overjoyed. He then realized that the party was in three hours and figured he'd have to go and get ready now!

Just as Nick was finished putting on his purple suit, not without the spandex underneath of course, his cousin from across the lake, Daisy, ran into the house. She had blonde hair that was down to her shoulders and huge breasts. Daisy gave blondes a bad name. She wore a neon green flapper dress with tassels a foot long. They trailed behind her as she rushed into Nick's room.

"Nick! I must have ESPN! I was daydreaming about going to Gatsby's party when a small man showed up and started singing with a tiny dog. He invited me! Can you believe it!? I am going to Gatsby's party! Me! Daisy- Wait, what's my last name again? Oh, well, all I know is that I wish it was Gatsby! But don't tell Tom. He'll go and tell Myrtle. And we all know how close they've gotten. I wonder why he goes over her house so much…Wait. Why are you going? Did the little men come to you, too?"

"Why yes! They did! Can you believe it? Do you know Gatsby?"

"Why, yes. I havent seen him in a very long time, though. He used to touch me where it felt good when we were seven. One time, he even let me lick his lollipop! But I don't know what flavor it was, but it was cream filled!"

"That's awesome, I want to try some, maybe I can tonight!"

"Yes, all three of us together!"

"Yes!"

Nick and Daisy tightly embraced each other and held on for awhile. Then, the clock struck six and the voices of numerous small children echoed through the air. The two of them ran out of the house and skipped all the way to Gatsby's house.


	3. Chapter 3

As Nick and Daisy arrived at the mansion, they were strucken with orgasmic excitement. "Oh, Nick! It's like a giant orgie! There are children everywhere!" Just then, Daisy spotted her daughter, Pammy. Pammy was a violent little fucker, always chasing Tom around the house with knives. But Daisy loved her anyway. "Look, Gatsby is talking to her. She must be special."

"Come on my sweet child, why don't you put down that cotton candy and come see my bedroom? We can play doctor!"

"That would be wonderful Mr. Gatsby!" Pammy threw her cotton candy behind her and twirled happily.

"Oh, Pammy, I'm so jealous of you," cried Daisy.

"Shut up bitch!" yelled Pammy.

"Oh!" exclaimed Daisy with delight. "What a sweet baby girl!"

Pammy and Gatsby held hands and skipped into the mansion, with a flock of cats behind them. Nick and Daisy walked around the fair looking at the different games and such going on. Jordan Baker joined them as they approached the dunking tank. Here, they stood watching Myrtle on the edge of the dunking seat. George Wilson was throwing the baseballs at the button. They hit it every time. Myrtle was soaking wet, so she took off her clothes. George stood up tall and announced that everyone should take off their clothes and go skinny dipping in the fountain. Everyone did as George had said.

"Oh, my! This is so exhilerating!" Nick was splashing all of the young children. They giggled with delight and Daisy handed out pints of vodka.

"Who wants to get tipsy?" she yelled. Just then, she saw Pammy and Gatsby join the crowd in the fountain. She ran over to Gatsby, eager to talk to him about the past. "Daisy, why I havent seen you in half a decade! I remember everything about you!"

"Well, Jay, you can't forget the past."

"Why, if you have alzheimers, of course you can."

"Oh, I just have a kitchen timer. It doesn't make me forget things." Jay stared at her like she was a freaking lunatic and walked away. Daisy was upset about this, but shrugged it off as soon as one of the little boys in the fountain started making out with her.


End file.
